My heart is overwhelmed with love for him, but also has the echo deep within it that reminds me it won't be long and he'll be as big as big brother and I won't be holding him like this and rocking him anymore.
Do you know how many times I've rocked one of my babies to sleep and sat there wishing I could capture moments like those with my heart's shutter the way I capture pictures with my camera's shutter? If only I had a camera in my mind that could preserve those moments from the exact mother-angle so that I would never forget those precious memories.
How I wish I had the ability to do that because the film of my mind grows dim and although I think I will remember those times, I don't, fully. Can I really remember holding my other two like that as babies?
Although I can't take all the pictures of my children that I want to, I do take as many as I can, because as an author beautifully penned it:
I am "trying to thicken the walls of my memories
So I’ll still stand
though they run on."
How fast this time is slipping by. My oldest is 6 1/2 and I can't believe it. I can't even imagine what I'll think when he's 18 and going off to college. How I must treasure these moments--they are gifts of grace and glimpses into the eyes of my heavenly Father who gave me these good gifts.
Mothering is the most unique calling on earth. Truly, it is. Whether you bore your child through your flesh or your heart, mothering calls you to reach deep inside your soul to face the challenges you'd never even thought of before. How thankful I am that I have my Savior to walk with me along this path.
It's easy to get overwhelmed by the demands placed on one's self in the midst of sleepless nights, sick children or the never-ending diaper changes. But even more difficult than those tasks, is the challenge of changing hearts.
Dirty hearts take a lot more work than dirty diapers.
Isaiah 64:6 "We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind."
I am so thankful for the Word of God that changes not only my children's hearts, but mine as well.
Romans 5:17 "For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ.
When my child is disrespectful and I feel the anger rise, if I submit to the Spirit and lovingly point my child to Truth, the dross is burned off and I am changed.
Oh, that I may be a grace giver even when sinned against.
My prayer is, that as my husband and I disciple the tremendous blessings given to us, what with their complaining hearts, bickering and disobedience and all, that the bearers of those attitudes would be transformed into bearers of the Light. And that as we disciple them, we would be filled with the light of Christ, in order that we may "live in such a way that [not one child] will be hindered from finding the Lord by the way we act...In everything we do we try to show that we are true ministers of God." II Corinthains 6:3-4.
May God's grace nestle down into the heart of each soul in our home in order that we may be changed more and more into the likeness of Him.