Maybe Another Mom Just Needs You to Love Her

Philippians 3:3b "We put no confidence in human effort. Instead, we boast about what Christ Jesus has done for us."

When praying about the direction to take this topic, the Lord directed me to Philippians 3.
In this passage, Paul is sharing with the church at Philippi about how he used to think that all of the things he identified himself with were what made him important. Then, when he came to know Christ, he realized that all of those things he found his identity in were about as valuable as the trash under my kitchen sink.

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that there's nothing of value in there.

How Does This Apply to Mothering?

As Moms, it's easy to find our identity in the mothering choices we make.  When we do that, we begin to look down on other moms who don't mother the way we do.

How often have you or I had our feelings hurt just because another mom talked negatively about our mothering choices? How often have we caused hurt because we held our mothering choices on a pedestal above another mom's choices?

We are all guilty of this. To say we are not is to deceive ourselves.

So often, we use the choices in motherhood to divide rather than build up. Choices like...

what type of diapers we use (cloth vs. disposable)
working outside the home vs. staying home
baby wearing vs. a more independent mothering style
vaccinating vs. not vaccinating
food choices
schooling choices
birthing choices
the number of children to have
breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding

The list goes on and on and on.

But isn't that what Paul is addressing in Philippians 3?

He's saying "Stop finding your identification in what you do or don't do. Find your identity in Christ."

As women of faith, we are all on the same team. We are part of one Body.

When we stop finding our identity in on our own "superior mothering choices," it gives us the freedom to embrace other moms no matter how different they are from us. We can come alongside them and say, "How can I encourage you today?" instead of talking about them behind their back.

Unless there is sin in the choices that a Momma is making, she is free to raise her kids the way God has designed her to.

If we would really embrace the idea that God has a calling on our life as a mom and on the lives of our children, I think we would not be so quick to judge other moms. When there is a legitimate concern about choices being made, love asks; it doesn't condemn. This is HARD because it means taking a risk by coming alongside a struggling mom and asking how we can help when we have legitimate concerns about the choices she is making.

God knows what He's doing. He is sovereign. If we are submitting our mothering to Jesus, we can be confident that He will help us in the choices that we make.

God Created Us Uniquely

God knows what calling He has placed on a child's life and He has equipped that mother to help prepare her child for that calling. Not you, not the neighbor next door, not the mom in the car pool line, not the nursery worker at church. Her.

God created us and our children for His service. He's also given us the freedom to mother in ways that fit our personality, our budget, our belief system, our values and so much more.

Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don't think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing."

I need to come alongside another mom and ask her how I can help. The church was created to be a body that functions together. We are hurting ourselves when we judge others.

We will not agree with all of the choices other moms make, but we are called to love them with humility. Humility says, "my way isn't the only way" and love says, "how can I help you accomplish what you believe God has called you to do as a mom?"

In the huge sea of choices that a mom makes, we need to remember that as long as they are not sinful, it's not our place to pressure her into mothering in a way that is more like ours.

Today's Challenge:

We are all guilty of judging another mom at one time or another. Sometimes it was passively (in our heart) and other times it was outwardly (when we tried to make ourselves look better than someone else).  We need to confess that sin to God and be more mindful of our judging hearts. I want to take steps towards humility, thinking of others' needs over my own and being interested in the lives of others rather than just my own. (Philippians 2:3-4)

Let's start a movement right here, right now that says, "I've been wrong to judge other moms. From now on, I want to work on encouraging other moms."

For further study, I encourage you to read Philippians 2 and 3. You can let that be the spark that God uses to light the fire of love and humility and that ends the Mommy Wars.

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Julie - Happy, Frugal Mama said...

I love this. It is just so stupidly easy to judge without even realizing we are doing it. What a great reminder to just love other moms.

Visiting from Inspired Bloggers and sharing this on this afternoon. :) said...

Thanks Julie! I know, it's crazy how easy it is to do. :)

Thanks for sharing!

Unknown said...

Amen! We are all struggling and love and encouragement go so far. Love this!

Gabby said...

I think you are so right about all of this. It really does start with an attitude of grace and humility. Can't wait to share this on my facebook page. Found you through the Inspired Bloggers network! said...

Thank you Amanda!


Becky said...


Thank you so much for your support and for sharing the post. Praying it helps us all with this struggle by bringing it to light.



Unknown said...

I love this post! Just read a blog today patting mothers on the head who had c-sections saying, "Its ok, you aren't a failure." What?! You captured my sentiments in a much more tactful, graceful post! Sharing on my FB page. said...

Melissa, You're back!!! That made me smile to see a comment from you. :)

I'm glad you love the post and that it resonated with you. :) Oh, and thanks for sharing. I really appreciate it.

How is your next writing challenge going?

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